We're having a freaking baby!
The day after I posted my last blog (reminder: negative pregnancy test, irregular cycle & full blown meltdown), I decided to take another test. I was nauseous and tired, and I just felt like something was up, but I had convinced myself I was imagining these symptoms (don't tell me you haven't done it before!) Sure enough, it was negative and I walked away feeling stupid for being a serial pee-on-a-stick offender. A couple of minutes later I walked past the test and saw two lines. The second one was super faint, but it was there. The first thing I did? I giggled! Like you do when you're tipsy & everything is hilarious. I'm putting that down to shock and disbelief...I couldn't believe it. In fact I didn't. So I called Dr S's office and they sent me off for bloods. Of course this happened on the weekend and I was told I'd have to wait until freaking Monday to get my results. Ha! Not likely! I am THE most impatient person you will ever meet. Not even exaggerating. I'm the type of person who stops the microwave with 2 seconds to go.
Anywho, I won't spill all my secrets (let's just say being a nurse has it's perks) but I was able to find out my hcg result early, which was...wait for it...7. Yep, 7. As in, the smallest positive result you can get that isn't negative. Again, I giggled, but just for a second, and then my heart sank. Was this for real? I'd never seen a number that low, even as a nurse. By this stage it should be at least 100 (going off baby-making dates). A repeat test on Sunday showed it had risen, but only to 15. I was told that this pregnancy was most likely not viable and to prepare for the inevitable - a miscarriage. After some serious googling & forum stalking, I had started to give up hope. Numbers that low rarely ended in a healthy pregnancy. I had so many 'why me' moments. Why couldn't it just be a nice high level? Why does this always happen to me? How did I even get a positive pregnancy test?!
Thankfully, a lovely friend told me to be positive and trust that the universe has my back. Easier said than done, but I actually surprised myself. I allowed myself one day of self pity (picture trackies, the couch, panda eyes & a lot of icecream) before snapping out of it & reminding myself that it is out of my control. Another beautiful friend did some googling of her own and gave me a lot of positives:
1. My progesterone was high which was a good sign - my body was trying to support this pregnancy
2. HCG levels are unreliable & varied in early pregnancy - it's less about the number and more about making sure they are doubling every 48 hours, which mine did!
3. I could have ovulated later than I thought - this one's a bit harder for me to believe. Yes I might have ovulated later, but we didn't baby-dance later. So unless Scott's sperm has some serious staying power, it is unlikely that I have the dates wrong. And knowing when we last did the deed, I should have higher levels. This is the reason I lost hope to begin with. A hcg level of 7, 16 days after last intercourse isn't very promising.
So on Monday, I called Dr S's office hoping to get some answers, but was told there's nothing they can do at this early stage & we need to just wait (yeh, great!) and pray that my levels continue to rise. I didn't have any cramping or bleeding, I still felt pregnant (which is strange with such a low hcg), and my high progesterone suggested I shouldn't get a period anytime soon. So we waited. I tried to keep busy. This included an uplifting trip to Kmart for some major retail therapy (trust Kmart to make me feel better) and a not-so positive trip to the Play Cafe (let's just say that forgetting to pack socks for James almost pushed me over the edge). Then on Wednesday before my late shift, I went and had my bloods repeated. Dr S's office marked my bloods as urgent and said they would ring me with the results that afternoon. When I arrived at work, I could feel my heart racing and I felt sick to my stomach - man, not knowing is hard! But on my afternoon tea break, I got the call and my level had risen to 96! I was finally pregnant enough to be excited about it! The nurse assured me that I could celebrate - yes, my levels were low, but they were rising & my progesterone was high. They weren't concerned and I shouldn't be either.
I rang Scott who was also anxiously awaiting the news, and his exact words were "Really? That's so exciting. I was not expecting that!" I could hear the excitement in his voice. We were both super shocked - I think our history has taught us to be cautiously optimistic but also to protect our hearts from the worst. So when the bad news never came, we struggled to believe that we actually had been given the best news possible! And now here we are almost a week later, and we couldn't be more thrilled. I will be honest, I am still a little anxious about my low levels, but I am so damn over-the-moon, can't contain myself, excited. We deserve this. And I truly believe that you guys have played a huge part in this little bean sticking. THANKYOU for giving me hope when I had none left, THANKYOU for throwing some serious positive vibes my way, and THANKYOU for always supporting me and our story. I do apologise...this may be the longest pregnancy ever! But I can't wait to share it with you every step of the way. The ups, the downs, but mostly...we're having a freaking baby!
I'll give you a quick run-down on what happens from here...
I have repeat bloods on Wednesday & I see Dr S on Friday. I will then be booked in for a dating scan. Our pregnancy will be high risk. I will be referred to Maternal Fetal Medicine immediately to discuss treatment of NAIT during pregnancy (the platelet disorder James was born with - I will explain more about this in my next blog) - this is the biggest concern and will require an extensive management plan & intensive treatment. We will also discuss the steps we will take to prevent pre-term labour. The next few weeks will be pretty busy with appointments and information overload. I promise to keep you updated & to describe things as simple as possible!
We are so blessed.